“He Got Himself in The Wrong Place"

The Evil Idiocy of the LAFD Diversity Chief

My best friend is a retired fire chief. I got to thinking about our conversations this past week while watching Los Angeles burn.

Ken knows something about fire. For nearly 40 years, he fought uncountable fires in the arson-scarred ghettos of one of the ten most dangerous fire cities in the world, our hometown of Newark, New Jersey.

Some years ago, in an odd twist of fate, I had an extended consulting gig on the same inner-city block where Ken then worked as a captain. More than a few lunch hours I spent at his fire house, mostly just shooting hoops with his crew or shooting the breeze.

These were an indomitable bunch of guys, a mean street, last of the Mohicans crew--tough, profane, spirited, loyal, and often wickedly funny to boot, sustained in this smoldering trash heap of a city only by their camaraderie and their pride in the job.

Apparently, many among them had always wanted to be firemen. They had worked hard to get in the department and were working even harder--weights, aerobics, books--to get ahead. But, alas, not many did. As Ken told me, “A majority of the guys hate what’s going on. They’re retiring.”

What was going on? My interest in things smoldering was piqued by an article in The Kansas City Star, the city I moved to after leaving Newark. Apparently, two women firefighters alleged "bias and harassment" within the Kansas City Fire Department.

As compensation, they wanted just about everything including the bathroom sink--literally--plus separate lockers and showers, better-fitting uniforms, "sensitivity training" for their loutish male counterparts, promotions (although both had been promoted twice during their careers), a big cash payout and attorney fees.

Arguably, this money could have been better spent on incidentals like, say, new fire trucks or protective gear. But the demands cited above were, if nothing else, tangible. One demand, however, was downright Orwellian, namely that women "get credit for the same firefighting abilities as . . . their male counterparts."

"Do women have the same firefighting ability as men?" A basic question, you would think, the first question, the one from which all other questions should follow. And of a different gravity than, say, "Should girls play Pop Warner football?" After all, even the most errant pass is unlikely to kill a fan or a teammate.

But as I started to research this question, I ran smack into a paradox straight out of Catch-22: the question can't be answered because the question can't be asked. "This is a very sensitive area," one wary city official told me. "We are very reluctant to talk about tests in relation to female candidates." I scheduled an interview with her office over her objections and made my next call.

"I'd like to help you, Jack," said a simpatico city fire official, "but I'm not in a position to say anything. I think you understand."

I was beginning to. Like 1984's Winston Smith, I had entered the world of doublethink, all “euphemism, question begging, and sheer, cloudy vagueness," where to survive, one must defend the indefensible and do it with a straight face. “Go public on this issue,” said Ken, “and you can expect serious ramifications.” Clearly, none of them good.

Ken argues for two essential firefighting abilities: hauling a hose while kneeling and pulling a person out of a burning building, both strength-specific. And since he himself might one day be the pullee, he values strength in others, sheer and brute, the more the better. “Women,” he acknowledges, “can never do it.” Not to his satisfaction anyhow, not with his 220-pound butt on the line, not at least if their duties are to be "the same."

His kind of first hand opinion, however, is drowned out by the strangely off-key warblings of officialdom, none stranger than that of LAFD Deputy Chief Kristine Larson, an out lesbian who makes 300k a year mismanaging the department’s Equity and Human Resources Bureau.

In a video she addressed the accusations that female firefighters aren’t strong enough to carry a man out of a burning building with an answer almost criminal in its idiocy. Said Larson for the ages, “He got himself in the wrong place if I have to carry him out of a fire.”

As Ken knows from experience, the men firemen are most likely to pull from a burning are colleagues downed by smoke or a collapsing structure. These men are in the “wrong place” because their job demands they be in the wrong place.

Some years back, well before 9/11, New York City was charged with hiring more female firefighters. Of the 98 in training at the academy--as Ken was told by a NYC Deputy Chief--only two completed all the requisite, job-specific, skill tests (carrying a person, pulling hose etc.) and those two just barely. Needless to say, officialdom was not pleased with the results.

"Can all the men on the Department still pass these tests?" asked a prominent city official.

"No," answered the Deputy Chief honestly.

"What do you do with the ones who can't?"

"We hide them."

"Well," said the no-nonsense official, "hide these too."

New York City officials did just that. On September 11, 2001, 343 firefighters were killed in their attempt to rescue people from the Twin Towers. All 343 of those firefighters were men.

I guess they just got themselves in the wrong place.